fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
