Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
