Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
