Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
