I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
