I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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