At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
