fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
