Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize