I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I supernannyed him into submission
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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