I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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