So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
