i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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