why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
