apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
