Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
