Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
