I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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