just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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