i barfeds in our rink
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
