In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
