I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
