a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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