I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
