I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
