i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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