just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
