So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
