i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
