Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
