boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
