Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
