Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
