Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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