apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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