i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want her autograph on my taint
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
