There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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