There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
