i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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