I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
