My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
