She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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