i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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