I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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