On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
