I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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