There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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