She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
