my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
did you just send me my own nude
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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