Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
