In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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