He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
