He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
