When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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