Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
