the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
