I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize