I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
