Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
