I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
