i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
