i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
