I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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