Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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