I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
