This is not my ceiling
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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