I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
