You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
