Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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