I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
