Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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