I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
