my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
